I never got to say goodbye…

So guys today I had planned to blog something a lot more light-hearted, but, I want to be as authentic as I can be with you and just blog whatever comes to mind.

Recently I listened to Krept’s song ‘Last letter to Cadet’ and it really made me think a lot. For those of you who may not know what, or who I’m talking about, if you take a look at my most recent post titled ‘Life’ it should all make sense. I’ve had to listen and watch the music video a few times to really take in the lyrics.

I’m someone who really tries not to think negatively about life, but, I’m also very realistic – I know at some point in our lives we all have to pass but this could happen at any given moment. I have only lost two people in my life to date, that have passed while I’ve been alive, but, until right now I feel like I haven’t been entirely honest with myself. The first person I lost was my Uncle Patrick. Even typing this I feel to just delete everything and keep these thoughts to myself. I don’t want to go into too much depth about his passing but to this day I still remember the day we found out, where I was, what I did after and the exact song I had on repeat. It’s weird because I don’t think I have the ‘right’ to feel this type of pain because I had never met him, only spoken on the phone to him once from what I remember. I remember answering the phone, hearing him say ‘can I speak to…’ (my mum) and me handing the phone straight over to her. That’s where I think I feel the most pain. It’s as if he had no idea of who I was and I didn’t even try to get to know him but it’s too late now. This is just one thing I’ll have to deal with.

The second person I lost was my grandad two years ago. This man was like no other. My fondest memories of him were at Christmas when he would be the first one to start singing the Christmas carols. I had my first sip of beer with him. This loss to me is something I find difficult to talk about at times. I now have no grandfathers in my life. They weren’t able to see me pass my driving test, they won’t be able to see me graduate and I won’t be able to make them proud. I don’t think I realised just how much love I had for my grandad until he passed. When I was first told, I didn’t shed a tear. I think this is because I hadn’t processed it yet, but as time has gone on I’ve seen little things that remind me of him . A few months ago, I shed my first tear and I feel that’s when the realisation sunk in. I now catch myself doing certain things or acting a certain way and thinking ‘I got this from him.’ I never attended his funeral and in a way, I think it was for the best.

When it comes to losing a loved one, many people react in different ways and heaps of emotions occur at once. For those who are religious/spiritual, they may question God and ask why this has happened, for others they grieve and feel as if life cannot go on. However, everyone needs to understand that they have every right to feel this way and it’s all a part of the process. I think that death is often looked at as a negative thing, but, we should all learn a lesson from it. I’m saying all of this because I’ve realised that death is sudden; you should appreciate the life you are given and the people you have around you. I don’t want to sound cliche but live every moment like it is your last, you never know when it will be.